About Me

Nigel

(The Head Nerd)

Ronald

(The Creepy Butler)

Frank and Bob

(The Tech Men)

Lisa and Gregory

(The Sex-crazed Gardeners)

Cynthia and Michael

(The Stable Hands)

Sharon, Eva, Michelle and Lucy

(The Maids)

On the first day of Christmas, Santa4Supes sent to me

Twelve Teacups spinning

Eleven black-eyed zombies spitting

Ten racoons a-humping

Nine Bunny’s dancing

Eight goats a-milking

Seven Sookie’s singing

Six Bill’s weeping

Five dates with Eric!

Four Orange Mocha Fraps

Three psycho’s in the asylum

Two sexually transmitted diseases

And a drama llama stung up on a tree! 

What I wish would happen to @JustMakenna on Christmas morning.

Makenna got run over by a reindeer

Walking home from the estate Christmas eve.

You can say there is no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and GrabbitKwik, we believe.

She’d been drinking too much chocolate martini’s

And we pleaded that she go.

But she’d left her dear Lulu

And she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When Kayden found her Christmas mornin’,

At the scene of the attack.

There were hoof prints on her forehead,

And incriminatin’ fang marks on her neck.

Now were all so proud of Grabbit,

He’s been takin’ this so well.

See him in there watchin’ football,

Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with Emo Beel. 

It’s not Christmas without Kenna.

Everyone’s so laid back.

And we just can’t help but wonder:

Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

An ode to @VampireMagister

Humans roasting on an open fire

A poker sticking out their nose.

Their screams are sung in a choir

Dressed in sweat down to their toes.

Ev’rybody knows Vampire Magister is under the mistletoe.

Helps to fill the season with freight.

Tea cups humans with their eyes aglow

Will be Magister’s meal tonight.

They know that Magister is on his way.

He’s loaded with torture on his sleigh.

And ev’ry mother’s child is going to spy

As Vampire Magister goes strolling by.

And so I’m offering this simple phrase

To kids from one to ninety-two

Although its been said many times, many ways,

“Vampire Magister is out to get you.”